Culture-fest continues: Music!!

Specifically, Salsa and Merengue music. Specifically, the kind that played at our company Chrismtas party while we were dining on veal, chicken or fish (I chose the veal. It was delicious.) But you can go ahead and put down dance music playing while I’m trying to eat my goddamn meal as one of my all-time pet peeves. Slot it right before motorists who fail to signal and right after people who whistle in public. Actually, sorry, public whistling is still the worst. But blasting dance music while i eat is pretty awful. I mean, you have two choices: you either pretend that the dance music is not playing and you try to enjoy your meal with a nice sprinkling of shouted conversation amongst your fellow table-mates. Or, you try to chew and swallow in sync with the rhythm of the music, which is absolute jack-ass behaviour. It's a lose/ lose situation, no question.

Company Christmas parties are great. You have all the clichés that people love to laugh at: the formulaic thank-you speeches from the upper management, who would, clearly, rather be repeatedly beaning themselves in the testicles (sorry, I just saw Casino Royale and that scene where 007 gets repeatedly rocked in the nuts is still fresh in my mind) than be at the party. And then you have your drunken co-workers: Drunken co-workers dancing impossibly, drunken co-workers coming on to you, drunken co-workers spilling booze everywhere, and drunken co-workers telling you how much they "love you, man."

But on to the after party! It was at a bar called Rouge, which is, apparently, the French word for “Cock Festival”. Bonus pet peeve: going to a bar where there are way more dudes than ladies. And not just men, but “Dudes” in particular. You know, guys who dress the same, wear a shitload of cologne, and all Rock Out the same way to “Livin’ On a Prayer”. This is all obvious, I know, and the obvious retort is “hey buddy, why are you sweating the dudes so much in the first place? Why don’t you focus your attention on the lovely ladies of the establishment?” And my answer is this: I was too self-conscious on account of the gi-normous cold sore that had recently opened for business on my upper lip. But we move on, right? Not so much, actually, because it’s been over a week and my cold sore has not yet cleared up. I hate winter.

Viva la cultura!!